please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
