we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
