If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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