Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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