i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
