I wanna bring you to show and tell
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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