the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just forgot I was standing up.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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