all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
