Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
