I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
