So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
