filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize