You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I enjoy the company of your penis
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
