she was so not down for the gang bang
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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