guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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