I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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