Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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