Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
