Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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