I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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