tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
