I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize