So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
