pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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