Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
