Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
