as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
