honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
