i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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