also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
