No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
