I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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