just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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