i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
