Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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