im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
