Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
