I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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