8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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