I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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