There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
