Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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