i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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