There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
