I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
well you can't waste a boner
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Randomize
