Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
sarcasm needs its own font
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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