Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
time to smoke my breakfast
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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