if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You made out with two different species that night
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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