I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
