We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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