OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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