Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
