Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
