I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
