Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
