God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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