You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We have started to decorate penises.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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