I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
