Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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