his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
