ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
