dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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