i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
