I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
