I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
