Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i think im in europe. pls send help
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
