im six kinds of drunk right now
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
