can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
