I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Less talking, more tequila
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize