my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
