Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Is Oprah even human
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize