Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You've changed since you got that strap on
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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