im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
