i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My life is pants optional.
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