you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
