if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
