I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she told me i tasted like america
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
