My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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