there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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