Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Randomize
