yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
should my penis look like a turkey
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
