did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
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