Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
