Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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