My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
