be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
