i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
