I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
