i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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