In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
