So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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