why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just found puke in my bra..
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
