All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
