where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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