Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize