What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
