omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
