In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
